Of Love, Patience, Strength and to be a Better Man


I didn’t choose to fall in love with you, my heart did.


Every relationship has a cycle…

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO.

Speaking of which, I had always believed that by some strange coincidences, God brought me into her life as he brought her into mine. Had i not gotten that spectacles review invite, I would have NEVER come to Vivocity for its so out of place for me. And had i found that particular shoe at different Adidas branch, I would not have returned to the Vivocity’s branch where i met her. 3 days late, and i would probably be served by another sales staff, for she had quit her job by then. I had often questioned “Why? Why did I meet her??”. Then i reflected and realized…

Back May I prayed to God to give me and show me LOVE and He introduced me someone who needed help to be happy from what it seems to be an abusive relationship. By no means had I planned to break anyone up but just want to be there to help her and make her smile again.  Little did I know, that it was I, who would be in love with her for everything that she was and is. That imperfect girl who hated her eye brows, her legs, her height, her self-proclaimed “manly features” and all, but full of confidence and ego and is often confused. Hahaha. Strangely, I loved every bit of her. Being with her felt comfortable and we could talk non stop about almost anything.

I prayed to God to give me PATIENCE, and He let me through some troubled and trying times where I learnt how to be steadfast and be more understanding of the circumstances and not simply throw in the towel or blow up as I would have been when I was 21.

I prayed to God to give me STRENGTH, and He broke my heart a couple of times. I cried because it was painful, but the heart, like all muscles, when torn, it becomes bigger & stronger. I prayed every night for Him to give me more strength and every night, my heart would feel better and better after a “heart break” moment caused by Him, for he moves the heart and soul of every being here on Earth. And God certainly moved mine, a lot.

Lastly, I prayed to God to let me be A BETTER MAN, a better Muslim, a better leader, a Khalifah to guide my loved ones when I grew older. And He gave me her. She who reminded me that I cant read fluently (and i cried for over 2 hours trying to read the Muqaddam). She who suggested that i attend Sunday classes in the mornings. And she who also taught me the go abouts in making good, healthy and “angelic” babies. 😛

You see diary, how could i ever let go of someone who has shaped me and built me up so well (can be better) through all these months. Because God brought her to me, and I am constantly reminded of Him, the creator of this very complicated life of a human being. Mostly mine, since im the one ranting it all out here duhh… And because of her, I have stopped most of my foolish and immature ways and just want to be that perfect man for her, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yes, i know it takes time, effort and energy, and once again, i always pray every night before bed that she would be given more LOVE, PATIENCE, STRENGTH and to be a BETTER WOMAN as time goes by. And God willing, I’ll be the one guiding her this time.

Simply put, I LOVE her, most to the power of mostest.

Happy Pill

Happy Pill for one another.


Skull and Bones

If i disappeared


Kissing you like its our very first kiss, every time.

It would be exquisite to die in front of you, I thought. Not that I want to die, exactly. It’s just that, when I go, it would be sharper and sweeter to do it in front of you. You could be a sort of cheerleader for my demise, easing me into non-existence, distracting me with your beauty while I slip into the abyss. My fingers, twisting in your hair, might tether me to the earth for a few moments more. The very sight of you would make me loathe to go, my heart would beat wildly and stubbornly in my fading flesh. My very last thought would be, “How lovely! How beautiful.”

But I am death and you cannot kiss death without me kissing you back. For I am a passionate kisser.

14 Assuring Things


I love you. Don’t ever question that.

A man asked the wise man, “How would I know if my wife loves me?”

The man replied, “When she does 14 things be assured that she loves you.”

The man asked, “So what are the 14 things?”

The wise man answered:
1- If she likes to hear about your demeanour be sure that she loves you.

2- If she didn’t get angry when you contradicted her opinion.

3- If she becomes sad because of your sadness or anger.

4- If she always tries to create topics to make conversation with you.

5- If she always consults you before she makes something or takes a decision.

6- If she gets very happy when you gift her with something even if it’s a very simple gift.

7- If she always tries to help you or even do some of your tasks.

8- If she worries about you in your absence.

9- If she cares to do what pleases you, and never repeats what angers you.

10- If she doesn’t care about how little you earn (money).

11- If she patiently bears the harm which was caused because of you.

12- If she likes to share whatever you like and cares to become a part of your world and your hobbies.

13- If she don’t feel shy of whatever you do.

14- She always gives you good news personally, instead of you hearing from a third party.

This 14 points certainly are applicable for a woman as well as couples, whom are not necessarily married yet. Not necessarily indicators of a loving wife but ultimately, these 14 points give a guideline on how to LOVE someone. I must admit i am not perfect, but God willing, I will achieve these 14 things for my loved one.  Give me time. 

Of Monkey & Roses

Study date

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated. – William James.

Today was a first. First time i brought out my little sister out. And it was an outing with 2 of probably ze most entertaining girls i’ve known. My hand’s still busted from that kick last week though and its rather annoying cause it makes it hard for me to pick up stuffs, grip things and even do a peace sign. Dafuq?! But i guess, there’s a hikmah in everything that has happened.

Being out with the two 16 year olds and H had been fun. Lots of talking, singing, eating and laughter. Much love all these 3 girls. Though we only spent a short time together studying and eating, deep down inside of me, I feel loved and was slowly loving the girls even more. Not like a lusty kind of love, but the kind where you know, if there’s a war, they would be in a list of people i’d fight for and defend.

Anyways, passionate sentiments aside, these past few days have been a blessing. And the last time I met H, was on Thursday (2 days ago) where I managed to get Monkey out of the shop. At first I thought I lost it when it wasnt at the soft toys area, but thankfully, through my persistent enquiries i managed to track it down – at the basement level of the shop.

I’m glad i bought Monkey. Because that had been the plan all along since H and I last saw it in the shop a few days/weeks back. I was thinking of ways to transport it because i dont think i could transport a huge ass soft toy via motorbike. Like most things in my life, God seems to have planned it all – he gave me a broken hand and i HAD to go public. Transportation dilemma, settled!

Monkey love

Waiting and waiting for the doctor at AH to mend my fractured hand. We look cute.

But yeah, coincidentally, the day we planned to meet coincided with V-day (i dont celebrate this shit) and through a friend I managed to get contacts to purchase a bouquet of roses. It wasnt overtly overpriced and since its been a month being together, its nice to surprise my loved one now and then. Blah blah blah, planning was simple, executing it was a little tricky cause i had to use my phone most of the time to liaise with my contact. I ALMOST GOT BUSTED IN KFC. Phew!

Thankfully, the flowers were delivered safe and sound and it felt nice knowing that my plan succeeded for both Monkey and the roses. I must admit, when my heart is open and free from negative thoughts, i tend to have a plethora of ideas on showering my family and loved ones with love. Often, I tend to forget to focus on my own life like school work and business. Haha!

I understand that I dont have much to provide or give to them now. I am not that wealthy or earning big bucks, nor do i have a car to fetch them and send them around. Yes, I have many great and exciting plans and often, it involves a lot of money. That sucks. Thus, i am left to providing them with my time AND something which i have in abundance to give to those who deserve it, that is – love. Someday, God willing, I will provide my loved ones with something more than just love and time. Amin.

Till then, Thank You for loving me.


Someday, I’ll get you, Audi.

Inna Maa ‘Al Yusry Yus Ron

Haters gonna hate

“See the best in others by not assuming they see the worst.”

Lately, it was nothing short of a barrage of bombs whacking me up, down, centre, left and right. Its strange how just last week everything was going on fine and well, made new business contacts and friends and everything just seemed to bloom. But in just a week how things can turn itself around. Perhaps its me. Perhaps, just perhaps, I’m over thinking & analyzing stuffs. People like to assume. Correction. They LOVE to assume. And i should not be part of the gin gang.

Assume about stuffs and perception of someone just because they THINK their judgement is right. I very much hate it when people assume that I workout a lot and have sinewy muscles and/or “abang gym/body” means I’m tough overall. In fact, most times I feel that the gym is my solace. Well, besides praying that is. I mean, the gym is where I meet like-minded individuals who would motivate me to be better (physically) and help me achieve a certain target of fitness too. Its an escape from the harshness of reality and the fact that the only pain you get will become something tangible and good in the near future.

Haters gonna hate but you should not be hateful back. Instead, I ask Allah to guide those who may hate me.

And I am here to pray for those who don’t know the truth about me and/or the people I’m connected with, people who have been fooled by hearsays, assumptions & gossips and even for those who knows the truth and they want to destroy it. May your hearts be opened and you realize your foolishness and repent, for God is forever forgiving to all mankind.

Verily for every difficulty, there is relief.

You rock my world

Throwback Weekends

“Choose your battles wisely. Life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.” ― C. JoyBell C.

For you Hidz, I will. In good times or bad, happy, confused, or sad, I’ll be there with & for you.

This is battle we are going to win it together.



Being Happy

Love these girls

“We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don’t even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It’s time to put an end to this. It’s time for us to let ourselves be loved.” ― C. JoyBell C.

Loving you like wildfire,

Crazy like the moon.

You lit my love’s desire,

Brighter, hotter than 12 noon.

Loving you always like there’s no tomorrow,

Sudden like an inhale and the overcoming  shadow.

Constant like the tides and the sweet cool breeze,

I’m that man and all of these.

Fighter. Lover. Me.

God help me, please.

A minute of anger kills 60 seconds of happiness.

I love you

“Don’t expect any thing from any one, expectations always hurt . Expect everything from Allah. He will fulfill you wishes .” – Unknown.

Wise words. Perhaps, just perhaps, I was expecting too much from people. Anyways, so many thoughts racing through my heart and mind. But i guess its all getting clearer now and I’m feeling better. Too many cliche quotes in this post. Eeee. Hahaha!

And i’m sorry but the previous post is privatised. It had to be. Ask and perhaps i’ll consider.

Dear God, please calm my soul.



Letting go of Ego.


” Instead of preserving your ego and letting go of the relationship, let go of the ego and preserve the relationship.” 

Egos are a deadly. They destroy relationships, friendships, network and even love. All men have ego. The degree and intensity of the ego then lies in the individual. Some small and negligible, others huge like a big ass Hiroshima bomb, ready to wipe out the very existence of things which threatens their pride. Being in a loving relationship is a challenge. Yes, most times there’ll be the romantic, lovely dovey, intimate stuffs. But also, along that comes with it is EGO.

I admit, I’m a man of great ego.

When I was younger, I can NEVER lose. I didn’t like to lose. I MUST win. Along the way, as I get older, such traits and characteristics still linger in my system. However, due to experiences and interaction with people have made me aware that this THING called ego gets me no where. Yes, at the moment in time, we might get things done our way, get what we want, feel that we have “won” an argument etc… When actually, we have lost the very people who respected us and trusted us. They giving in to us was very much different from me winning them.

Fast forward to a couple of years, I’m now 25 this year, and I know how it feels like to be shut out from my own opinions and letting the other party “win” it. Its a strange and funny feeling deep down in my heart cause I feel the need to prove the other party wrong but at the same time, I question myself – WHAT DO I WIN? Perhaps the argument or  petty discussion on what to wear, what is the next MRT station and what guys think or do. As much as I feel I am right, being in a relationship requires a lot of patience, trust and respect. Small things like these does not have to be blown into enormous proportions and I should just let it pass. After all, a thing like EGO certainly does not need to be preserved in a relationship.

Loving someone, to me, means putting aside the ego and work towards a better future. Egos hurt people and if you truly love someone, you would try and minimize such hurt – be it physically, emotionally or spiritually.