When You Loved Me Best


“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase…So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk. Thinking about if people were rain. I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”- Looking for Alaska by John Greene

Yeah, I guess we both rushed into things we both weren’t really ready for. Perhaps, I should have seen it coming. But I was blinded, eyes covered by your cold, soft hands, with the smell of you ever lingering in my mind. Your scent, that distinct scent from you when you put your face close to mine. When our lips came in contact with mine, those kisses always feel like our first kiss back in Dempsey Hill’s Ben & Jerry’s. Nervous and rather sensual. Honestly, I miss those supple lips of yours and that particular scent from you, certainly perks my senses up. Those were the times we were more than just best friends yet with no strings attached, everything was all so very…lovely.

I will still be around you know, somewhere. We could still be best friends and share happy moments together. Even if in bad times, you need a shoulder or chest to lie on, I’ll be here, God willing. Someday I hope, we both would be strong enough to love our best friend and I quote – get an “upgrade” so that your marginal profit is a little bit higher. 🙂

And just like the quote above, if people were rain, I was merely a drizzle and you, were my hurricane. I am death and you cannot kiss death without me kissing you back. For I am a passionate kisser. If only you knew how much I loved you. But I know you are not ready.



Dream of me, H. Dream of me.



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