Moments like these…

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“I wonder if you think about me as much as I do about you.”

[Adapted and edited from TC]

I want to snuggle with you. I’d like you to lie your head on my shoulder and breathe in the same rhythm that I’m breathing. I want to use one of my hands to rub your head, down to your neck, then to your arm, and then hold your hand. I’d like to rest my other hand on your hipbone, which is my favorite part of your body because it’s a straight and bony hip, nothing like my curvy, soft one.

I’d like to stay there long enough so that our awkwardness goes away. I’d like to feel you give into the moment. Don’t ask yourself if this is too intimate. Don’t worry about sending me signals that you like me too much. Don’t think about what will happen with us tomorrow. Stop wondering if your team is winning and how much longer it will be until I get off of you so you can turn the game on.

Make a joke after a few moments of peace, one of those jokes that isn’t funny because of its sharp wit, but funny because it’s a comment on our current state, designed to make both of us ease further into the bubble of each other that we’re currently floating in. You could say something about how I’m growing more facial hair, or how silly your siblings or friends were, or how some lady is walking like an elephant. And we’ll laugh together. Not the laugh that we shared when we were with our friends. Not the laugh that comes when you watch an episode of Mr Bean. This will be the laugh that you saved just for me, the one that’s vulnerable and soft and sweet, because that’s how you’re feeling towards me right now. You won’t think about what I said last week that made you angry. You won’t feel guilty for that thing you did that I would be upset about if I knew. You won’t plan what you’re having for dinner tonight. You will soak the right now of this up. Our moment.

I’d like you to play with my hair. Don’t pat my head with a flat hand, put your fingers under my hair, on my scalp, and then run them through my hair like it’s a waterfall. I’ll wrap both of my arms around you and give me a long, tight squeeze, the kind where in the last second, you need to inhale but you can’t. Then I’d like you to close your eyes, so I can prop myself over your face and study your features freely without you looking back at me. I want to kiss your jaw line, fondle your earlobes, sweep my cheek against yours. I want to stroke the slope of your nose and your eyelids and admire your eyelashes.

I’d like to run my thumb over your lips. Cup your face with both of my hands. And I want you to kiss me. This will be a kiss that liquefies from light to deep and then back to light. A seemingly endless kiss that doesn’t lead to anything else. It doesn’t need to. We’ll share it simply to feel the warmth that it brings on its own. Then I want you to roll on top of me. Lie on top of me and hold our arms over our heads so that I can feel all of your weight, smell your scent and feel this moment.

I want to start at the beginning and do it again.

But somehow, I don’t think I can…even get close to you.

I have never really left…

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“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” – Orson Welles

Trying to forget the past, the times when I felt hurt so bad. Thank God for friends who slapped some sense into me. We are all creatures of habit and comfort. And when you’ve broken the habit, you’ll realise it was habit after all. Maybe a little bit of love, but mostly habit and comfort.

Funny how my other female friends were like “OMG, why are you so sweet?!”, “I wished my BF would do one for me.”, “You’re the first guy I know who would do such things!” when they found out that I was making a scrapbook. I had always thought it’ll be nice and rather cute to do a photo montage/scrapbook. But oh well, if people cannot appreciate you as a whole, then I think its best to move on. Give someone else a chance to make you and them happy.

Funny thing is that when one of my friends asked if I will ever get back with my ex, I could not answer her. I guess I need more time to break out of this habit of caring for for someone too much, who does not really need to be cared for. I mean, after all, she has her other “boys” to be all caring for her.

We all deserve someone who would stand by us in good times or bad.

We found love in a hopeless place

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Love them even if they’re temporarily unable to give you love in return.

Love is a million things to different people. Love is what wakes up next to you in the morning every day, even though you have bad breath and look disgusting. Love is what drags you out of bed when you don’t want to get up. Love is what’s waiting up for you at night when you come home late, with a bowl of popcorn and a movie. But more than that, love is letting your hair down and hanging out in your sweatpants with the person who gets you most. That’s the corner of the world I want to be in. [Adapted from Thought Catalog]

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In all honesty, I was into you. I constantly wonder how we got this far, after all this time AND whether things would have been different had circumstances been a little different for us or the way you react to the changing situations. But I’m glad that I’m happier now. Glad that you are happy too, I suppose. Perhaps I would miss the places that we would go to, the stuffs we’d do together and those happier times.   Those morning texts, goodnight texts and Skype. All are just memories now. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for working in Adidas on 18th May 2012.

It was good while it lasted. ❤

A Quarter Century Old

“Time solves most things and what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself.”

As mentioned in my previous post –  After all, time is NOT money. Time is value. And how you use your time demonstrates what you value. Despite their busy schedules from school, work and family time on a Sunday, these friends made time and headed all the way to the EAST to indulge in good BBQ food and celebrate my 25th Birthday together with me. Very much touched by their action. I almost called the police to report a molestation. 😛

Love everyone of them for despite my nonsense and silliness, they picked me up and guided me back on life’s track. Thank you all for coming down and made what it seemed like an almost-failed sense of chalet party, you guys made my night truly a memorable one.

I’ll never forget you guys and girls and the sweet well wishes and presents, no matter how small or big they may be.

I’m 25 years and 1 day old now, and I certainly know what I want to achieve in life, what I want and need in life. God certainly put people we need at the right place at the right time.

DSC_0825The gym boys

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Club SIMERGY reporting for BBQ

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Thank you ladies for the sweet sweet presents. Macaroons and Red Velvet cake, just like old times.

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The Travelling buddies + our new “bro” Nindya!

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12 Years and counting. Nuff said.

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Because candid is candid. ❤

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Anwar came down all the way just to meet up with me, despite having friends who jio-ed him out to Arab Street.

 

 

 

Much Love and God Bless,

Nabil R.