My Wonderweiz.

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How sad. How very sad.

It had to come to this.

You were that voice, at 5 in the morning

That brought me serenity and bliss.

 

You didnt understand,

It was more than about a meet.

It was the idea, the thought, behind it,

That got me worked up a bit.

 

Perhaps someday our path might cross,

Once again by some strange means.

You have a good life now and ahead of you,

Just hold on to your Deen.

 

I admire you. I like you.

I love you to say the least.

The unconditional love as a friend,

To a “stranger” whom I will truly miss.

 

Wonderweiz Wonderweiz Wonderweiz.

Like a snow flake which comes and go.

Till we meet again, I dont know,

As a friend, I love you so.

 

Thank you for being there,

For me in my easy times or hard.

A memory you shall be,

Etched in my mind and (saddened) heart.

 

The Reventon.

Overwhelmed. Confused. Yet Hoping.

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Its been awhile since I last blogged my thoughts and my happenings in my life. Same old same old story of me – school, work and very little play since its the exams period. Good news is that its ending soon though. Next Thursday. Perhaps, when you read this all over again, Nabil, you’ll remember that you’re blogging this from the huge Samsung Tab 2.0, seated at the edge of your bed at 0200H on a Friday.
*deep sigh*

Things have moved on fast. Perhaps the progress has been a little tad too quick and i, to be honest, am.overwhelmed. Eversince my break up with H., like a month ago, things have been….smooth sailing. Do I miss H? Of course I do. I miss people whom I care for even when they are not around. Guys, girls, old people, pets or even beautiful places…. I miss them. Perhaps, you are the only one reading this blog besides me H, and I just want to let you know how amazing you’ve been on all our happy and fun times. Looking back, perhaps it was the best decision that we parted. I felt more at peace not having the need to constantly feel that you’re secretly texting other guys with “XOXOs” and whatnots. Hahaha!

Anw, despite it being less than a month since my break up, having a couple of girls confessing and one even calling me her “other half”, is pretty scary. To me at least. I treated these girls as I would any other day and time over messages and meet ups. Nothing special. But what is surprising is that when these girls start taking me too seriously as some potential BF material or heck, “Other Half” material. Certainly im overwhelmed with all the LIKES & LOVE received from these many attractive member of the opposite sex, but…this heart isn’t ready. This heart isn’t ready to love that one special girl and keep her safe from harm and all.

To add the cherry at the top – A friend trying to “match make” me with his (I must admit, pretty) cousin from KL, citing I’ve got “experience”. Hahaha. And another, wants to introduce me to her Chinese-Indonesian friend. Yet at the same time replying to these couple of girls on whatsapp daily. Man, I have too much on my plate. And oh, my other good friend wants to hook me up with Bandung girls (you know the fair skinned, beautiful eyes and hair kind). Its just….wow. Indeed I’m  overwhelmed. 

But im confused. Cause despite having such attention from them ladies and friends, and some getting a little serious here, I still have my sights and I don’t know, hopes, on my crush of over 3 years. Good thing is that she’s single (im guessing) and we are in the midst of planing a simple makan meet up. I just want to give and find myself that chance to go out with her and show her who I truly am. Im more than my FB profile/pics, twitter and its tweets or instagram photos etc.

I want to get to know her, and for her to get to know me.

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But these constant messaging makes me dig myself deeper into the pit hole and im afraid if i might fall for one of them without having the chance to get to know my crush. I mean, meeting up doesn’t mean anything or will lead to anythjng, but at least I would be truly happy that at least I gave it a shot in life…. Wouldn’t want to regret and having those WHAT IFs nonsense.

I don’t expect too much but I never stop hoping. If its meant to be, it will be. Its destiny. Perhaps, for now, we’d be just miles apart, but im praying that we’ll meet in our dreams. Cliché, Touché & a sprinkle of Cheesiness but deep down inside, I wonder if she ever feels the same way too.

Well, I never stop praying to God, asking Him to guide me and help me find/choose the right one. Amin.

Time check: 0230H. Its back to my notes. Good day/night, future Nabil.

Moments like these…

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“I wonder if you think about me as much as I do about you.”

[Adapted and edited from TC]

I want to snuggle with you. I’d like you to lie your head on my shoulder and breathe in the same rhythm that I’m breathing. I want to use one of my hands to rub your head, down to your neck, then to your arm, and then hold your hand. I’d like to rest my other hand on your hipbone, which is my favorite part of your body because it’s a straight and bony hip, nothing like my curvy, soft one.

I’d like to stay there long enough so that our awkwardness goes away. I’d like to feel you give into the moment. Don’t ask yourself if this is too intimate. Don’t worry about sending me signals that you like me too much. Don’t think about what will happen with us tomorrow. Stop wondering if your team is winning and how much longer it will be until I get off of you so you can turn the game on.

Make a joke after a few moments of peace, one of those jokes that isn’t funny because of its sharp wit, but funny because it’s a comment on our current state, designed to make both of us ease further into the bubble of each other that we’re currently floating in. You could say something about how I’m growing more facial hair, or how silly your siblings or friends were, or how some lady is walking like an elephant. And we’ll laugh together. Not the laugh that we shared when we were with our friends. Not the laugh that comes when you watch an episode of Mr Bean. This will be the laugh that you saved just for me, the one that’s vulnerable and soft and sweet, because that’s how you’re feeling towards me right now. You won’t think about what I said last week that made you angry. You won’t feel guilty for that thing you did that I would be upset about if I knew. You won’t plan what you’re having for dinner tonight. You will soak the right now of this up. Our moment.

I’d like you to play with my hair. Don’t pat my head with a flat hand, put your fingers under my hair, on my scalp, and then run them through my hair like it’s a waterfall. I’ll wrap both of my arms around you and give me a long, tight squeeze, the kind where in the last second, you need to inhale but you can’t. Then I’d like you to close your eyes, so I can prop myself over your face and study your features freely without you looking back at me. I want to kiss your jaw line, fondle your earlobes, sweep my cheek against yours. I want to stroke the slope of your nose and your eyelids and admire your eyelashes.

I’d like to run my thumb over your lips. Cup your face with both of my hands. And I want you to kiss me. This will be a kiss that liquefies from light to deep and then back to light. A seemingly endless kiss that doesn’t lead to anything else. It doesn’t need to. We’ll share it simply to feel the warmth that it brings on its own. Then I want you to roll on top of me. Lie on top of me and hold our arms over our heads so that I can feel all of your weight, smell your scent and feel this moment.

I want to start at the beginning and do it again.

But somehow, I don’t think I can…even get close to you.

I have never really left…

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“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” – Orson Welles

Trying to forget the past, the times when I felt hurt so bad. Thank God for friends who slapped some sense into me. We are all creatures of habit and comfort. And when you’ve broken the habit, you’ll realise it was habit after all. Maybe a little bit of love, but mostly habit and comfort.

Funny how my other female friends were like “OMG, why are you so sweet?!”, “I wished my BF would do one for me.”, “You’re the first guy I know who would do such things!” when they found out that I was making a scrapbook. I had always thought it’ll be nice and rather cute to do a photo montage/scrapbook. But oh well, if people cannot appreciate you as a whole, then I think its best to move on. Give someone else a chance to make you and them happy.

Funny thing is that when one of my friends asked if I will ever get back with my ex, I could not answer her. I guess I need more time to break out of this habit of caring for for someone too much, who does not really need to be cared for. I mean, after all, she has her other “boys” to be all caring for her.

We all deserve someone who would stand by us in good times or bad.

We found love in a hopeless place

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Love them even if they’re temporarily unable to give you love in return.

Love is a million things to different people. Love is what wakes up next to you in the morning every day, even though you have bad breath and look disgusting. Love is what drags you out of bed when you don’t want to get up. Love is what’s waiting up for you at night when you come home late, with a bowl of popcorn and a movie. But more than that, love is letting your hair down and hanging out in your sweatpants with the person who gets you most. That’s the corner of the world I want to be in. [Adapted from Thought Catalog]

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In all honesty, I was into you. I constantly wonder how we got this far, after all this time AND whether things would have been different had circumstances been a little different for us or the way you react to the changing situations. But I’m glad that I’m happier now. Glad that you are happy too, I suppose. Perhaps I would miss the places that we would go to, the stuffs we’d do together and those happier times.   Those morning texts, goodnight texts and Skype. All are just memories now. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for working in Adidas on 18th May 2012.

It was good while it lasted. ❤

A Quarter Century Old

“Time solves most things and what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself.”

As mentioned in my previous post –  After all, time is NOT money. Time is value. And how you use your time demonstrates what you value. Despite their busy schedules from school, work and family time on a Sunday, these friends made time and headed all the way to the EAST to indulge in good BBQ food and celebrate my 25th Birthday together with me. Very much touched by their action. I almost called the police to report a molestation. 😛

Love everyone of them for despite my nonsense and silliness, they picked me up and guided me back on life’s track. Thank you all for coming down and made what it seemed like an almost-failed sense of chalet party, you guys made my night truly a memorable one.

I’ll never forget you guys and girls and the sweet well wishes and presents, no matter how small or big they may be.

I’m 25 years and 1 day old now, and I certainly know what I want to achieve in life, what I want and need in life. God certainly put people we need at the right place at the right time.

DSC_0825The gym boys

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Club SIMERGY reporting for BBQ

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Thank you ladies for the sweet sweet presents. Macaroons and Red Velvet cake, just like old times.

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The Travelling buddies + our new “bro” Nindya!

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12 Years and counting. Nuff said.

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Because candid is candid. ❤

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Anwar came down all the way just to meet up with me, despite having friends who jio-ed him out to Arab Street.

 

 

 

Much Love and God Bless,

Nabil R.

The 7 Most Appealing Qualities In People

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Pray more, worry less.

Chanced upon an article in Thought Catalog (they always have interesting thought provoking articles I must add) which describes the 7 most appealing qualities in people. Though Im pretty sure there are other qualities which would appeal to people too, but in general sense, these 7 top the list. You can read more about the article HERE.

The 7 most appealing qualities are (not in any order of significance) as follows:

1) A sense of humour

2) A sense of adventure

3) The ability to listen

4) Being Hot

5) Intelligence 

6) Individuality 

7) Honesty

Reading these qualities, makes me realise how much I’ve grown from being that rude, arrogant, fuck-care attitude, chasing after wealth, everything has to go my way, skinny boy, ignorant of people’s feelings and immature in thought. Its not as if I woke up one day and *POOF* I became so much better as a person, as a man, as a human being. Yes, we all make mistakes, it just mean that I am only human and we learn from our experiences. Sometimes, once, sometimes, a couple of times….the hard way. I am turning 25 real soon, in 2 days time, and although I am still far from where I aim to be, but everyday im taking steps to get to my goals. God willing, I will achieve it.

I’ve knocked my head a couple of times, fall down, picked myself up, let my heart go, only for it to be toyed with, get disappointed, failed, was on the brink of failure, got burnt, accidents, shit happens, tired both mentally and physically…truly, it was hard. Of course there were times which was simple, carefree, full of love and happy. But those positive moments, were not the ones which shaped me. Ironically, its the bad ones which do. You know, you can’t shape steel with water… Steel is moulded by heat, by fire, by one which causes the metal elements to break down. But these breaking down of elements allow one to be moulded into perhaps, something better.

I dont know what to feel anymore or how to feel anymore. Reading the 7 most appealing qualities in people, I wonder do I really have them all…or even more? Maybe Im lacking in the “HOT” department. Or perhaps the “LISTENING” part. I must admit, Im not an excellent listener, but I do listen to people’s needs and wants… and sometimes assess the situation if it is justifiable to act the way others want us to act. Listening does not mean being pussy-whipped. A good listener is practically using up whatever’s left of his time to spend time listening to you, your problems, your happy moments, about your day, your work, your exam, your life. They may not give the best advices or solutions, but they were there, for you and for me.

Turning 25, i’ve met so many people who taught me how to live life, love life and love. I dare say Im working towards having these 7 most appealing qualities in a person in me. Working my way up to be a better man. Afterall, time is not money. Time is value. And how you use your time demonstrates what you value. And at this moment, I value myself because only when we learn how to value and love ourselves, will we be ready to appreciate and love others wholeheartedly.

That being said, I cant wait for 31st March. Good tidings and love beckons. xoxo

The Rules To Live By

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“I think a gentleman is someone who holds the comfort of other people above their own. The instinct to do that is inside every good man, I believe. The rules about opening doors and buying dinner and all of that other ‘gentleman’ stuff is a chess game, especially these days.” – Anna Kendrick

Honestly, I’m trying to be more of a gentleman these days. Yes, perhaps not material wise but just you know, character and behaviour and attitude perhaps. To be the best for whoever God has planned for me to be with.

For if God wants me to land next to her every morning and night, I’ll make sure she won’t need anyone but me.

Laters, Baby.

When You Loved Me Best

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“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase…So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk. Thinking about if people were rain. I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”- Looking for Alaska by John Greene

Yeah, I guess we both rushed into things we both weren’t really ready for. Perhaps, I should have seen it coming. But I was blinded, eyes covered by your cold, soft hands, with the smell of you ever lingering in my mind. Your scent, that distinct scent from you when you put your face close to mine. When our lips came in contact with mine, those kisses always feel like our first kiss back in Dempsey Hill’s Ben & Jerry’s. Nervous and rather sensual. Honestly, I miss those supple lips of yours and that particular scent from you, certainly perks my senses up. Those were the times we were more than just best friends yet with no strings attached, everything was all so very…lovely.

I will still be around you know, somewhere. We could still be best friends and share happy moments together. Even if in bad times, you need a shoulder or chest to lie on, I’ll be here, God willing. Someday I hope, we both would be strong enough to love our best friend and I quote – get an “upgrade” so that your marginal profit is a little bit higher. 🙂

And just like the quote above, if people were rain, I was merely a drizzle and you, were my hurricane. I am death and you cannot kiss death without me kissing you back. For I am a passionate kisser. If only you knew how much I loved you. But I know you are not ready.

 

 

Dream of me, H. Dream of me.

XOXO